Ok, I admit it, after changing and moving from so many schools I started to dislike it.This tutorial isn’t too ethical and it varies a lot from my average computer related guides but someone has to help the poor kids ditch school and who better than me.
To come up and execute these tricks took me a lot of imagination and and some good acting, of course if I had put in the same effort as I did to come up with this into my school work I would have been an A grade student but instead I got to stay home and play on the computer =).
When you are trying to fake a symptom you need to do some preparatives the day before, a cold just doesn’t appear immediately, it normally starts with a runny nose and evolves into other bigger symptoms.When you start faking the symptoms, don’t overdue it or they will find out your faking it or worse, my parents took me to the ER and trust me, trying to convince a doctor your sick is a lot harder (but not impossible).
Lets divide the sections into symptoms:
To fake a nose is quite simple although it’s not exactly going to fake it but actually give you a runny nose for a few hours.
» Grab an ice cube and run it all around your nose for about 5 minutes early in the morning.
» After you finish, dry it superficially with a towel.
By the time your parents wake up your nose will be red and quite runny, this only tends to last for a few hours.I suggest you combine it with a headache or migraine symptom.
A sick stomach is pretty much a lot of vomiting, NEVER ATTEMPT TO MAKE YOURSELF VOMIT! Instead we’re going to fake a vomit.You should get up earlier than usual to give you time to create the mixture for the fake vomit.
» Grab a slice of bread, some water, a drop of black food dye, orange juice, milk, oat meal, an egg and some vinegar (if possible add some left overs from the night before or bits of chopped carrots).
» Smash and mix it all but not to well as you want it to have chunks like real vomit and poor it into a container and hide it somewhere in the bathroom.
When your parents wake up you should fake a bit of a drowsy symptom (vague stare) and tell your mum you feel like you have a light stomach.Around 15 minutes later jog to the bathroom make some of them gaging vomit noises and poor in the mixture (do not throw glops of it in as it looks fake), smear some around your lips (don’t forget to hude the container) and wet your eyes and rub them till it feels uncomfortable (puking causes stress on your eyes which makes them water).
Your parents should come to see whats happening, tell them you puked a bit but you feel a bit better (puking relieves tension from your stomach when your sick), look at them with a vague drowsy look on your face, they should immediately ask you if you want to go to school.
HEADACHE OR MIGRAINE:
The good thing about migraines is that they only cause psychical symptoms like sensitivity to light and noise, this is really easy to fake.
» Pretend your head hurts, turn off all the music, close the curtains and get under the quilt.
» When they ask, Where does it hurt? tell them in your temples, back of the head or all over like a pounding headache.Remember to talk slowly and softly.
» If someone speaks to loud or makes a big noise, wince or flinch.
» Fake some fatigue, and try to sleep a lot (which I guess won’t be a problem).Don’t move around to much and try to have a bit of a pain/drowsy look on your face.
» Fake the fever with lye soap. Place a bar of lye soap (available at your local grocery) under your armpit. Hold it there for about 3 minutes prior to taking your oral temperature. It should raise your temperature (temporarily) about 5-6 degrees. OR you can take a washcloth and run it under really hot water. Soak it thoroughly, then wring it out until it feels hot, but dry. Leave it on your forehead,neck and cheeks for a few minutes.
» Combine these symptoms with the headache ones.
» Stare with a vague, unfocused look at everything.
» Don’t tell them you feel hot, since fevers actually make you feel cold.
Red eyes are a good way to add that special touch to most symptoms as they indicate you didn’t sleep to well.
» Wash your hands and rub a bit of soap in them well, open your eyes wide and touch them both with your soap impregnated hands.
It will sting a lot but it wont harm your eyes.
» If you have an oral thermometer heat up some water, once its semi hot drink it and hold it in your mouth till you feel it gets warm, then tell them your taking your temperature. DO NOT use this technique if your thermometer is made from mercury as it will crack.
» Another way to get passed the oral thermometer is to hold it for a few seconds at a time next to a light bulb.
» If you have the armpit thermometer, put a hand warmer under your armpit before your temperature is taken.
» One trick that works with all kinds of thermometers is to rub the tip of it with your fingers, creating friction that will heat it up.
» More elaborately, you can buy an identical thermometer to the one you have at home and heat that one up to the right temperate, when their not looking just give them a switch.
» The ideal temperature to have when your sick is 101-102.5 F (41 C), remember this when your heating the thermometer up.
» If your planning well ahead, hide some snacks and books,games in your room the night before so you have something to do while your “sick” in bed.
» If your parents give you an aspirin, keep it under your tongue and don’t swallow it, spit it out when their not looking.
» Don’t tell them your sick, let them figure it out by themselves. Sick people don’t have the energy to go around tell everyone their sick.
» Act as if it was all normal the night before, do your homework and show some vague symptoms like an itchy nose or a bit of a drowsy face.
» Parents play the “oh I forgot something” trick, stay in bed for atleast 15 minutes before you get up a leave (supposing both your parents work).
» The unfocused and drowsy look should be kept at all times in most symptoms.
» You can combine some of the symptoms together just make sure you don’t do anything over the top or you will end up explaining to the doctor why you faked your illness.
I have seen other guides that suggest you cause yourself to vomit or take medication.NEVER do that! I’m showing you a non harmful way of faking your sickness, other techniques can harm your body and lead to worse scenarios.